Point, Counterpoint, Actual Point
by Kat
This entry is for Point, Counterpoint, Actual Point: A Collaborative Blog Series, an idea proposed by Nattily, who writes on her blog, Notes on Crazy.
POINT: People want me around.
COUNTERPOINT: Everyone is always so nice to me — they must feel sorry for me since I tend to worry aloud about things around them. I don’t know when people want me to stop talking or change the subject to something they would rather discuss instead. That must get tiresome after a while. My pop culture references annoy people. People glaze over after I begin a monologue; I’ve only recently noticed that, though I have wondered if people find me odd. Maybe I’m annoying. I feel so uncomfortable around other people sometimes, as if they want me to leave, especially when I have nothing in common with anyone in the room. I don’t fit anywhere.
ACTUAL POINT: My close friends have told me, verbatim, “We like having you around.” I’m kind and insightful. I listen and talk through people’s worries with them because I know what it’s like to feel ridiculously anxious about things. People are nice to me because they like me — not because they pity me. I’ve met people who are mutually nerdy about television programs and films — we’ve had long, productive conversations. There are places where I feel deeply uncomfortable, but that doesn’t mean there is anything inherently wrong with me. Sometimes I miss social cues, but that doesn’t mean I alienate people. My friends understand that I’m trying the best I can to participate in conversations. I’ve found communities where I fit.
CONCLUSION: People want me around, and that’s okay.
This is so awesome! And it’s even more awesome because Community!
This is one that I wanted to write myself, but it’s one I couldn’t quite find the words for because it’s so difficult to believe for myself. I really wish I could, and I’m so inspired by what you’ve written, both for how it can empower you and how it can empower me a little too I think.
Would it be ok if I added this to my blog? I could either copy and paste and give you credit and link, or just put a link to this post if you only want it published here. I just really really like it and I’d like people to see it when they look through all of them, as long as it was ok with you.
Thank you so much. To this day, I still need to remind myself that “yes, people do truly want you around (that terribly uncomfortable feeling is your anxiety – not you as a person).”
I’d love for you to add it to your blog. You’re welcome to copy and paste and give me credit and link.
Like, like, like times a million.
I appreciate that. I enjoyed participating in this collaborative blog series: It’s like a community-wide version of the reality testing I do when I get stuck in seemingly irrational and ultimately unproductive thought patterns (“What evidence do I have for that belief? Nothing concrete. Hmmm.”).
[…] submission is from Ask an Aspergirl. It was originally published to her own blog and is reprinted here with […]
We sound alike:) Though I personally still have a lot of trouble with the Actual Point part…
It’s definitely a long process – I still find myself writing down when people state directly that they like having me around. Those concrete affirmations of self are useful when doubts seem to pop up again.
I find it easier for me (I’m not autistic nor have Asperger’s, I am a neurotic introvert) to avoid contact altogether, and just communicate via the internet. That way I can turn things on and off at my leisure. I do have a couple of close friends, and they have said to me that they like to be around me, and have me around them, but I still question that:) Maybe I should write things down too, or save emails from them?:)
Might help: This process looks a bit different for everyone — but I’ve found just having a way to refute those self-critical thoughts is useful. I’ve been known to reread friends’ texts and messages when they’ve said something kind that I needed to hear. 🙂