Footnotes from an extended hiatusĀ 

Dear readers, it’s been a long [fucking] time since I’ve posted to this blog — even longer since I’ve written anything resembling a longform piece. But here I am, with my service dog — Marty the terrier — in my lap at Common Grounds (aka the neighborhood coffeehouse). 

Image description: Greyish black terrier wearing a service dog vest

Since we last talked I fell back down the rabbit hole that is severe depression (with some pure-O CD and generalized anxiety for company; I swear, sometimes I feel like I acquire co-occurring mental illnesses like mangy feral tomcats). But I’m still “finding ways to survive.” [1 — thanks Next to Normal for those Light lyrics].

I finally found an antidepressant combo that works — somehow,  Dr A, my psychiatrist doesn’t even entirely understand the why or how — Lithium and Lexapro (both generics — For Medicaid, and SSI, I give thanks). 

I’m still in therapy and probably always will be [thanks for hanging in there and educating yourself about (anxious and depressive) Autistic women like me, Dr H, trauma psychologist made of empathy and stubbornness].

Image: a whiteboard covered in stick figures and captions. For more of this growing therapeutic art project, see my Instagram: @askanaspergirl.

My days are simpler lately: therapy, psychiatry, pharmacy, art, poems, texts, tweets, and instagramed photos. But they are good sometimes. I’m still severely clinically depressed, but I’m here. I keep living out of sheer spite and fury, occasionally joy and borrowed hope. 

Image: plate of eggs and hashbrowns, beside sheet music

And “I don’t have to be happy at all, to be happy I’m alive.” Until next time, be kind to yourselves. Remember, you are good. This life is hard. But you are good.

Image: white woman with red hair in profile and a grey terrier wearing a service dog vest


 

With glittery bits of joy and tiny sprigs of hope, Kat.

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